Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception Review [Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection] (PS4) 

  What happened? The original Uncharted was underwhelming but somewhat excusable because it was a first attempt at the franchise and characters, Uncharted 2 showed a huge upward swing in both Naughty Dog's ability to tell a cinematic story while letting the player control most of the action. Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception just plain sucks.

  This time Nathan Drake and a cast of returning characters are after the lost city of Atlantis for some reason or another. Something about Drake being a kid and Sir Francis Drake going after it and his questionable NAMBLA relationship with Sully. Then there are some secondary characters that are forgotten halfway through and some unearned romantic subplot about Drake and that blonde chick that shows up in all the games. This story is a mess, swinging from some James Bond inspirations to parroting Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade but avoiding any cohesiveness. At one point during a cinema the sound bugged and cut out. I could call it a glitch that hampered my enjoyment, but this shit is beyond stupid and I didn't care in the least. The worst sequence involves a young Nathan Drake and his initial meet up with Sully. Why writers feel the need to show their protagonist as a child to shoehorn “development” I'll never know, but I'll just chalk it up to “because Last Crusade did it”. If I was warming up to Nathan in Among Thieves seeing his snotty, younger self brought me back to hating him.

  Being the latest of the remastered games in The Nathan Drake Collection, Drake's Deception visually looks the best; not passable as a brand new game, but the clearly highlighted graphical  showcases still look somewhat impressive. It looks like a tech demo, and unfortunately plays like one, too. The sense of scale and wonder is toned down considerably, instead the game is content to hold your hand and walk you down a path to beat you over the head with the question: “Isn't this pretty?” Kind of... but the game suffers for it. It's absurd the gameplay has regressed to this state, coming so late into the PS3's life cycle when they should have been well beyond trying to sell people on pretty graphics alone.

  The sheer amount of cutscenes here is inexcusable. A few times I sat through an unplayable cinema that went on for far too long, was relieved to be able to actually play the shitty game again, took two steps forward and triggered another cutscene... Come the fuck on. And as detailed above, the story is shit anyway.

  Also taking enough steps back to fall off a cliff is the combat. Somehow it manages to be the worst in the series, and some of the shittiest I can remember playing in recent memory. Enemies just don't react when they're shot, running like robots until they drop dead. Spawning is still completely busted with shotgun guys popping out of monster closets to shoot you in the back. You still flop around like a retard, only this time there are more opportunities to trip yourself up in what-some-might-call-comical-but-I-call-horridly-designed, over-animated situations. It was bad enough being locked in melee combat that lasted a few button presses in the previous games, but now they've introduced a real fucking garbage, drawn out QTE system for fist fights and boy are they going to use it. Aside from the scripted fights that are bad enough, the same button to stick to cover is used for grappling, meaning if you're low on health and try to hide behind a wall and there's an enemy nearby you may end up locking arms and dancing with him as his friends shoot the shit out of you. All the other bullshit is back as well: stun locks, one hit kills out of nowhere, anemic ammo rationing, soldiers that take way too many bullets... it's a fucking mess. Even taking Among Thieves out of the equation (that balanced it's trash gunplay with good scripted sequences) and looking at Drake's Deception on it's own merits, I'd come to the conclusion that Naughty Dog is just completely incompetent at making gun battles enjoyable.

  Moving around the environments is mostly standard with only a few moments that are remotely memorable. There's a sinking ship and a horse sequence... then a whole lot of unimpressive filler in between. Then there are the puzzles... they're fucking dumb. Not only are they not challenging or rewarding in the least (usually just prompting you to open Drake's notebook and match some symbols) they are truly fucking insulting. Here's a good one: Drake uses his Cracker Jack decoder ring to decipher a code, then immediately proclaims, “It's an anagram!”. Standing in a room full of stereotypical, ancient artifacts from a wide range of time periods and geographical locations, he uses that decrypted message to conclude, “What this ancient puzzle is somewhat describing MUST be in the same room we're standing in.” Again, I can swallow movie logic all day long, this is just dumb.

  I felt the need to play through The Nathan Drake Collection to get caught up on the story and mechanics of the Uncharted series before Uncharted 4 releases, which is sure to be a massive, milestone game on the PS4. It's too bad this is the note the original trilogy ended with, because it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception sucks shit.